Tag Archives: chocolate cake

titles are pointless sometimes . . .

As I laid in bed this morning it hit me, it was 8:15am and a year ago you were still here. Well, medically you were still here but I think Mom, Bob and I all knew you weren’t really there anymore. This realization hit like a load of bricks. I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. My entire body had turned to cement and there was no way I could budge even a toe. It’s been a year and I still don’t know why you’re gone. I still don’t understand why on earth God would take you from us, from me. I know heaven is supposed to be just unfathomably amazing, so I understand why you’d get there and never want to leave. You have the best common sense of anyone I know. Street smarts says if you find a good thing, keep it! I know God has already used your passing to His glory and to be honest that’s the only thing ‘good’ I can see in all of this. Just two days later at your memorial at least 6 or 7, by my count and probably more, came to know the man who you found to be the true Messiah. It was the only bright spot in that entire wretched day. Knowing that you’d made an impact so much in these lives that when Garrett made the offer to those willing and ready, many accepted.

Despite that fact, I remain selfish. I remain a little girl, broken-hearted, that her Daddy is no longer here. Wondering why I only got to have you for 25 years when it could’ve, and should’ve in my opinion, been many more. Sure, they were the best 25 years a girl could ever ask for or imagine, but that doesn’t mean I was ready to give them up! I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready. Maybe I never will be. I don’t know and I can’t know that, not right now. I still see a granite blue Silverado or a green Expedition and double check to see if it’s you. I know it isn’t. But I have to check. Just in case. I often expect to hear the garage door at the house open, then the door, and the sound of your boots and scraping paws as Angel excitedly bombards you. But you aren’t. You won’t be coming through that door. Instead, you’re waiting on me, Mom, and Bob. I’m sure when we get there you’ll be thinking “Gee, that was fast!” but for us it is such a long time.

Enjoying chocolate cake, pretty much the embodiment of you.

A year has flown by and yet seemed like an eternity. This post was how I felt a year ago and how I will always feel about the amazing person you are, Dad. Glenn Allen Martin, 56 years on this earth, 25 in my life, and forever in my heart. I love you, Daddy. . .


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Filed under Faith, Family, Grief

41 days and counting…or is it discounting? Hmmm.

As promised I am posting a few photos from my fantastic shower in Dallas this past weekend. I have my Houston shower today and I am SO excited because, to be honest, I haven’t seen a lost of these ladies in a long time! My best friend will be in from Austin, my other bestie who works all the time is coming, and a lot of ladies from the church I grew up in will be there too, choir buddies included! Should be a wonderful time and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone who is able to make it out.

I am proud to have done my thank you’s for shower #1 so that I don’t have backstock when I get home today. The thank yous came out GREAT and I highly suggest Pear Tree Greetings to anyone looking for some cute, modern, personalized stationary! They are really affordable and with the addition on coupon codes you can get an even better deal.

We are getting VERY close now. Less than 6 weeks until his due date. Yikes! I promised myself I wouldn’t truly organize until after both showers because I’d just have to redo it. I am feeling a bit like we have no where to put all of his gear, but I’m hoping the addition of some baskets under his crib will help since I can put bulky things like blankets, diapers, and bibs in those. Then his dresser will have room for CLOTHES. What a concept!

I am so glad we have hired a doula to help us out during labor and delivery. Already I feel like I’m much more equipped for the natural birth I want to achieve. I have been happily bouncing away on my birthing ball (it’s a yoga ball, really) which helps with my back pain some. Tina is going to show us some more positions to use during L&D at our next meeting and also help us with our birth plan, which rats, I need to draft! She’s lent us some DVDs and one I just watched is the Business of Being Born. Phenomenal. It was truly heartbreaking to see photos and hear how births used to be in the United States in the 20s and on into the early 1960s when medicating women for birth was a new concept and not regulated or studied much at all. That made me want to cry more than watching the births shown! It was wonderful to see how women can have such a peace about them as they are delivering their child. Obviously they are in pain because these were unmedicated, but they are taking reign of that pain, dealing with it in the way that is best for them, and in many instances actually pulling out their own baby with this sense of euphoria and total elation. I don’t see how anyone can see that and discount midwives, natural births, and even home births. It was an eye opener to something I already thought I knew some about! Definitely encouraging for me to see how it can be as opposed to how it ‘has’ to be. I am so looking forward to this memorable experience…pain or not, it is my experience and I won’t let anyone take it from me!

Nichole made this sweet slideshow from my belly pics!

Fun game...choosing baby's features from mine and Zach's

"Whale you be mine?" PRECIOUS!

3 generations...almost 4!

{edit} I wrote this yesterday but didn’t have time to post it until this morning…


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