We are 10 days away from Sprout’s due date! I can’t believe tomorrow will be the single digits. Incredible! I can’t believe how fast the time has flown. At the same time I feel a bit like a sitting duck, just waiting for this little boy to make his entrance. I am keeping busy, but also trying to ‘take it easy’ like the Doc asked me to. I do NOT want to end up on bed rest so I’m trying to do small things and rest a lot. Thankfully, I no longer look around the apartment and feel like there are things all over the place. Last week’s nesting kick killed that!
I spoke with Tina, our doula, the other day to update her on our appointment and ask more questions as usual. After talking to a friend and pondering a bit myself, I wondered why there was this ‘need’ to induce just because our guy is a bit on the small side. He is developing on track and is healthy. His amniotic fluid levels were even up drastically, so why the rush? She said that really, medically as far as she knows, there is no good reason to induce based on the baby measuring small. An ultrasound can only guess at how big the baby is and often they are largely inaccurate by a pound or even more! So long as Sprout continues to be healthy and developing as he should, he might as well stay put until he is ready. Inducing wouldn’t make a natural birth impossible, but it would certainly make it much more painful and difficult to achieve. Thankfully, I am dilated some already which means my body would take to the inducing much more easily and hopefully I wouldn’t need too much pitocin to get things moving if need be. However, part of me feels as though inducing is robbing me of the experience of going into labor naturally and all the emotions and feelings associated with that. I want to know what it is like to have my body start labor as opposed to how drugs will start labor. Especially since the first stage of active labor is much more calm when started by the body. If I am induced I’ll have to be monitored at least for the first few hours, if not the entire time. I hate monitoring. I won’t be able to move around as I’d like and can’t labor at home either. I will have to fight tooth and toenail to keep myself from taking pain medications and also to keep the medical staff from needlessly using more pitocin and thus tempting me further with an epidural. Inducing means my labor will be on a time clock instead of ‘however long it takes’. I really don’t want ANY of those things. So as much as I want to meet this little guy and hold him in my arms, I would much rather wait it out. I am hoping that I might have more progress/dilation on Thursday at our appointment and also that the estimate of his size is in a bit higher percentile. I understand the Doc’s concerns with Sprout’s continually decreasing size percentile, but at the same time I still don’t see what is wrong with a small baby if he is healthy. I can refuse to schedule an induction and agree to non-stress tests, which I hope the Doc will concede to if Sprout is still ‘small’.
To be honest, I go back and forth on whether I’m okay with being induced or not. However, the one thing that keeps me on the fence is letting my body determine labor and my birth experience as a result as opposed to my birth experience with an induction. Maybe it is selfish of me to want a bit of control in how my son is born and to place such an emphasis on my experience. Then again, no one else except me can experience this. Zach will be there, our doula, and our son will have an experience all his own, but no one else will have the same experience I will have as the mother giving birth to her child. It is something special and unique that only the mother can truly feel, and being that I am an emotional woman it is strongly tied to my emotions not only because of hormones but also from a mental standpoint. Will I endanger my son by refusing augmentation that is necessary to his well being or survival? Certainly not! I will, however, make informed decisions to avoid augmentations that are not truly vital and also to accept and agree to those that are. That’s where my stubbornness, my husband, and my doula all come into play to make sure I have enough information to make good decisions when it comes to the birth of our son!
More updates after all the hoop-de-la on Thursday!